Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
