it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
