Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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