Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
