sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
