come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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