Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
