the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
