There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
