I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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