and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
