Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
