I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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