Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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