You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
