I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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