my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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