LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
