i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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