My cat gives me a boner
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
