Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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