What a fucking waste of an outfit
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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