Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
