I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
