NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
