ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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