last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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