If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
