i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
honey bunches of taint.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
