They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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