at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
