They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
