Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
