Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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