i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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