Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
