the condom got lost in my hair
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
