I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
