the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
