My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
