Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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