wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
