highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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