I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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