dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
