Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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