When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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