He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
And then he peed in my hair
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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