Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
