3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
