hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
