I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize