I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
