so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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