So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
