I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
