I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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