4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
