your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
