You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
