woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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