I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he thought i was a dude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize