went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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