that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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