If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
