Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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