I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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