Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
