Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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