i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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