My hand turned me down
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
