um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
