I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
