dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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