"it" just moved
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
only you would photoshop your dick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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