scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dicks are not precious.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
