So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
