I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
