wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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