Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
