I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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