We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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