We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
