so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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