I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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