at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
